Marriage: 5 Ways to balance your time and keep your identity

By | December 20, 2013 | Love & Relationships

Marriage: 5 Ways to balance your time and keep your identity

When you fall in love, you may feel as if you’ve finally come to a place where you can rest. It’s not easy meeting the right person to spend  your life with. The search can be long, disappointing and hard. When you finally meet the one you want to spend your life with, all of that disappointment is quickly erased and it feels as if it all had a purpose. This is a beautiful feeling. What do you do when you know you’re with your perfect partner, but you start to feel as if you’ve lost part of your identity?

1.   Balance your time together. Many couples who are madly in love tend to spend all their time together, not leaving any time for family, friends or other alone-time activities. Time together must be balanced with time spent with others or being alone.

2.   Spend time with friends. Every person needs more than one person in her life to have a healthy balance. Friends and family are important sources of connection and belonging and meet totally different needs than our partner. These people make our lives whole and our identities more solid. Getting feedback and interaction from many people is a great source of self-esteem.

3.   Spend time alone. Whether it’s exercising, reading, taking a walk, taking baths or watching TV, make sure you get enough time alone. Remind yourself you can be alone and feel completely fulfilled. It’s so important to maintain activities that soothe and fulfill your soul and have nothing to do with anyone else. This reminds you of your value and special qualities, and that you are happy on your own.

4.   Support your partner’s independence. Support your partner and encourage him to be the biggest, brightest version of himself. You should want your partner to be fulfilled in all ways and not feel held back by your marriage. Rather your marriage should be the supportive spring board from which all success occurs.

5.   Never do for your partner what they can do for themselves. The best way to help your partner grow is to encourage them to handle their own life challenges. You can support your partner emotionally, but don’t get too entangled in their issues. A lack of separation can create arguments. Life challenges us all. Be there to support and encourage but not to enable.

When you and your partner came into your relationship, you had independent lives, activities and commitments. Sometimes, when you become a couple, you lose track of the things which fulfilled you before, such as eating, reading, and exercising. In becoming one with your partner and his desires, you may have given up essential parts of yourself. Soon, each of you may miss the person you were originally attracted to and you begin to miss who you used to be. It takes discipline not to lose yourself in a relationship, but if you want your marriage to last long term, make sure you love yourself and your partner enough to maintain your own happiness and identity.

Little life message: The sexiest thing to be to your partner is interesting, so make sure to keep your independence.

How do you keep your own identity in your relationship? What else would you add to this list?

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Sherrie Campbell, Ph.D.

Dr. Sherrie Campbell is an author and a licensed Psychologist with more than nineteen years of clinical training and experience. She provides practical tools to help people overcome obstacles to self-love and truly achieve an empowered life. Get her free article on Five Ways to Make Love the Common Ground in Your Communication. She is also a featured expert on a variety of national websites and has a successful practice in southern California. Receive free insights from Sherrie and get involved in her Facebook community with others looking to improve their relationship. For more information visit

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