Mom guilt is the phrase of the day. Moms are slinking through life with more guilt than the guy who thought New Coke was a good idea.
C’mon, ladies. Did we cause the collapse of Enron or dabble in water boarding as a child? If not, I’d say it’s time to lighten up and drop the guilt. And what are we feeling so guilty about anyway?
Are you worried about:
- Working outside the home or working inside the home?
- Not having psychic abilities when it comes to your child’s needs?
- Being too rigid or too relaxed?
- Whether your kids are too fat, short, thin, tall, shy or obnoxious?
- Whether your child has allergies or a minor speech impediment? (What 5 year old doesn’t sound like a cartoon character?)
- If your children aren’t getting enough stimulation, or whether they are over-scheduled?
- Rushing to the doctor for every nosebleed, or mistaking a broken arm for a pulled muscle? (I know someone who did this – and she’s a terrific mother, by the way.)
- Wishing you could get a break from your children?
What is this about? When we become mothers we are anointed with special powers, but this is going a bit too far, isn’t it?
What is the purpose of guilt? Even in a situation where someone does something truly terrible, it doesn’t help. It’s simply a self-absorbed diversion between doing something terrible and taking action to fix it.
And if we as mothers are simply doing our best, but feeling guilty for falling short of our own ideal, then it truly has no benefit at all. Let’s change this before we start feeling guilty about something else!
Here are three easy tips for dropping guilt:
1. What is one thing you feel guilty about?
Be specific. For example, “I’m guilty because I don’t spend enough time with my kids” doesn’t get you anywhere. However, “I’m guilty because the entire weekend went by and I never got to sit
down with my daughter and read a book or play a game,” is tangible. You can easily fix the second statement.
2. Ask yourself: “Do I feel guilty because I truly think I should be doing something different OR because I feel other people are judging me?”
If you feel guilty because of what others may be thinking, drop it. Other people are not thinking about you. They are thinking about themselves and wondering what you think of them.
3. When you feel guilty, implement an action to turn the situation around.
For example, “I’m guilty because I’m not making dinner from scratch every night,” can be changed to “I will make one more dinner each week from scratch by planning ahead and asking my partner and children to help.”
Guilt makes things worse, not better.
Guilt may be a habit we fall into when we know something isn’t right, but we can’t put our finger on what it is. Instead of feeling guilty, take a good look at what you feel isn’t working and fix it.
After all, moms are great at fixing things. That’s where those special powers come in.
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