When I ask a circle of girls in grades 4 through 12 if they’ve ever been the victim of teasing, exclusion, rumors or gossip, or any other mean girl behaviors, invariably, they all raise their hands. It’s sad to see how many of them have been hurt by their peers, and often by their best friends.
But there are certain types of girls who seem to receive more abuse than others. This might be an important heads up for parents of these girls in case their daughters fit the bill, so parents can be proactive in supporting their daughter’s friendship needs.
1. Girls who are different
Differences come in many varieties, but just being distinct or standing out makes some girls the target of ridicule. Girls may be set apart and teased for characteristics like the color of her skin; having red hair and freckles; being short, tall, thin, heavy, really smart, learning disabled; being a ‘tom-boy’ or a girly-girl; having immigrant parents with different customs and foods; or having unique interests like saving whales.
2. Girls who start puberty early
These are the 5th grade girls who tower over every boy in class and are the first to sprout breasts and need bras. They may break out in acne and start their periods at a time when some classmates still look like 5 year olds. Boys and girls alike torment them, and it’s tough because it’s impossible to hide your new-found curves and pimples. These girls become overly self-conscious about their looks, and it’s easy to understand why.
3. Pretty girls
Adolescents who are considered beautiful by their peers often get the cold shoulder from their girl friends. This becomes more intense as soon as she starts getting more attention from the boys, even if she doesn’t want it or call attention to herself by flirting. And if upper class guys start hitting on her, it really makes her friends jealous. Girls often assume pretty girls are snobs or catty, and so they become the book that gets judged by its cover. Many adolescents are intimidated by attractive girls, and thus keep them at a distance, put them on pedestals, or knock them down a peg to feel more equal and adequate.
4. Quiet, shy girls
Girls who are slow to warm up or uncomfortable in large groups often hang out on the periphery, which causes them to be seen as different or even snotty and too-good-for-us. They are less inclined to stand up against the alpha girls, preferring to stay out of the limelight and be invisible.
5. Sweet, innocent girls
Some girls are so sweet and naïve, they don’t really connect with all of the girl drama floating around them. Sometimes they aren’t even aware they are being teased because of their innocent beliefs which don’t allow them to see the negative in others. They may look and act younger in many ways compared to the racier girls in their class, but they are often more mature in their social-emotional intelligence. I love that they are comfortable playing with dolls longer and in no hurry to grow up, but this sets them apart from the mainstream girl of today.
6. Girls with poor social skills
If your child has an auditory processing problem or is slow to pick up on social cues, she may quickly fall behind the rapid back-and-forth bantering displayed by the queen bee and the popular girls. These girls look lost and don’t have the skills to include themselves appropriately, so they may appear as needy and immature.
7. Girls who hate drama
I have met some really mature, solid girls in my camps who hate being involved in the girl dramas swirling around them at school. They disengage, refuse to take sides or be in the middle of other girl’s squabbles, and often prefer to hang out with boys who are less complicated. This sets off their girl friends who become jealous, because this girl knows and hangs out with the guys at recess.
No matter what kind of daughter you have, she needs to be equipped with skills to handle the relational aggression and teasing that comes her way. If she fits one of the profiles mentioned
above, then all the more reason to prepare her for the challenges of being her own authentic self.
