They say that being a parent is the toughest job in the world, but there is no job that is tougher than becoming a single parent. No one thinks when you have children that you will be raising your kids by yourself, but when you get divorced, even though you have an ex-spouse, when it is your time with the kids the responsibility lies squarely on your shoulders, and sometimes that weight can be very heavy.
Here are some tips to help make your transition into life as a newly divorced mom easier.
- Budget your money. You don’t have two incomes to rely on anymore or even one large income, just your income and child support. Learn to budget and cut out the unimportant things, remember, what is important is the time you are with your kids, not what you buy for them.
- Budget your time. Whether you work or stay at home, you will be doing it all now, from carpool to homework to bath and bedtime. Learn how to budget your time so you can still have “me” time to recharge!
- Master the art of being a co-parent. You might be divorced from your ex, but you still have to raise children together. Keep the lines of communication open and work together for the sake of the children.
- Become self-reliant. Everything falls on your shoulders as a single parent, and that includes issues with the car, the house and the kids. Each repair that you fix yourself, without relying on anyone else – except a repairman – is a huge step towards your independence!
- Have the patience of a saint. It takes time for children to adjust to the single parent household and the new routine of going back and forth. Don’t be surprised if your children act out when they first come back from a visit with the other parent. Maintain your patience and remember this too shall pass.
- Set up new rules. New house, new house rules. Because you are now a one-parent household, set up new rules with your kids. Changing the rules is not a bad thing, and it also shows the kids that you are all starting a new life!
- Take time for you. Don’t feel as if it’s selfish to put your kids in front of a movie so you can take a bath or have some time alone to repower. Remember, a happy mom equals happy kids.
- Ask for help. We all need some help sometimes, so don’t be afraid to ask for it. Whether it’s help from a parent or friend, it’s vital that you don’t try to do it all on your own. Good friends and family will not feel as if you are taking advantage of them when you ask, so don’t be shy.
- Stay positive. It’s so important to know that even though you are now divorced, this doesn’t mean that your children are now going to fail or not be able to have a successful relationship. Children learn by example, so if you love them, they will learn love.
- Love your new life. There is no denying that this is a tough time, but embrace the change and look at it as an adventure into a better place and life for you and your children.
Photo source: Fire Eyes Photography
{ 4 comments }
Single moms do a lot of sacrificing when it come to raising their children. I believe Women Should practice investing and saving (at least) a small percentage of every check they get. It’s hard but still needs to be doneEven if it’s a dollar is put aside from each check for investments. That’s fine. You have to start somewhere. Obviously the more you put aside means the less time it will take to reach your goal. Teach your daughters this same practice while their young. Change wont just walk into your life for the better. You are the one that has to make a change. This practice will help you be more of the independent person that you already are.
Setting up new rules is an important factor after divorce. If you keep living your life the way you were when you were married, you will likely have a hard time. It is key to rethink your lifestyle so you can move on.
For the sake of the children and you own mental health, you have to stay positive. My mother divorce my step dad when I was 17. It was tough on all of us. I was happy that she stayed positive. Had she not, I may have gotten wrapped up in some things that I shouldn’t have.
Great post, Lee. Love the tips, definitely take time for yourself in this time!
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Patti K
PK Family Law — Chicagoland Divorce Attorney
http://pkfamilylaw.com